CO-PARENTING AFTER DIVORCE
Children often lose out when their parents divorce. They are deprived of full-time guidance and direction by both parents. Although there may be bitterness between you and your spouse, when it comes to co-parenting, your children need an image of two good parents and your conduct in their presence will help them maintain this image.
Here is a “Code of Conduct” that you and your spouse may choose to follow as you focus on the best interests of your children:
- If you can, tell your children about the separation together. Answer their questions honestly, and avoid making disparaging comments about your spouse in their presence.
- Reassure your children that they are not to blame for the separation; after all, you may have chosen to “divorce” each other, but your children have no desire to leave either or you, or any of the significant others in their lives.
- Moving forward, leave your children free to love and respect both of you. Discussing the terms of your divorce, or the shortcomings of the other parent, is nothing short of destructive.
- Your parenting time is for you and the children. Be discreet, especially at the very beginning, and do not include unrelated, third-party adult visitors in the presence of the children. To learn more, listen to our October seminar here.
- Work together, as co-parents to encourage each other to stay on track with the parenting schedule. If one of you is unable to keep a scheduled time at the last minute, it is unfair to the children who are expecting you.
- Make sure your parenting time is spent on school work, your child’s activities, or other bonding-type opportunities that will be productive and relevant to their growth.
- Avoid, and stay clear of parenting or custodial “labels” such as sole, joint, legal, physical, etc. Judges are rather clear that we don’t hold title in our children; instead, we do what is in their best interest. To learn more, listen to our May seminar here.
- Good communication between the two of you is essential. This requires the ability to listen as well as to share. In order to jointly parent your children, you must be able to communicate effectively regarding the decisions which influence all of you, such as the parenting time, child-care needs, educational plans, transportation arrangements, etc. This may be the most challenging part of being effective co-parents, but improving your communication skills will be essential to your success.
To communicate better, establish realistic expectations by drafting a specific parenting plan. Use worksheets to outline your family’s holiday and vacation schedule, child support and other issues as they relate to your co-parenting.
When it comes to custody and parenting issues, we welcome clients who demand excellence. You can turn to our tough litigators and trial lawyers at The Massachusetts Family Law Group who thrive on high-conflict and complex matters, or if you can work toward agreement, our Massachusetts Flat-Fee Divorce Attorneys can help you through your uncontested divorce. Our offices are all over Massachusetts – call (800) 910-DIVORCE.